I'm convinced that there are people in the world who "get it" and who don't. Straight up, most of the time, I don't get it. I have my moments of clarity. Ironically, Dave and I tend to surround ourselves with friends who "get it." By "it", I'm referring to the purpose in life and a constant focus of how to live daily. Those people who understand purpose are here to teach those of us who don't.
March 4th is dedicated to two people who definitely got it.. and to all their friends & family, still on this earth, that truly live life.
I can tell a vivid account of March 4, 2002 but the details aren't what matter. It's everything that has happened afterwards and the lives that have been changed because of it.
The sceneario was this: Three very good friends were coming home from Clicks (Jesse Ortiz, Roger Trevinio and Eric Gutierrez). They had an accident. For Dave and I, the early morning was spent going to the accident to identify Jesse, making phone calls to their family members, standing vigil at the hospital to be there when Eric took his last breath. We came home, stared into Jesse's bedroom and wondered how God would let something like this happen. It was a nightmare that I don't wish on anyone.
Many hearts were broken, but many relationships on individual levels also came from this loss. I can tell countless stories, but there is one, and one only, that is directly significant to the band as it stands now.
I remember looking into Jesse's bedroom (it was adjacent to ours in our home) sometime during the days after the accident and seeing Jared and another friend, Krystal holding eachother and looking around. I'll never forget looking at them, and being speechless. We exchanged some painful emotion just with that one glance, and I turned and walked into my bedroom. At this time, I didn't know Jared. I had only seen him around here and there. I have a horrible memory and often don't connect right away, but that was our moment of connection.
I recall talking to Jesse and Eric at the table one afternoon in 2001 about why they weren't more proactive in their search for a guitarist. They told me they were going to let fate handle it. It made sense.. the music they made was ambient, fluid and soothing, all with fire. My response, and this was my "metal" mindset back then, thinking that I had the hang of all of this, was that you have to be aggressive and make things happen. Relying on fate was for "chumps". They took my advice and soon there after, they put an ad in the Edge. I made calendars for them to schedule their practices, to schedule auditions and they used them.
One guitarist came to our house that liked and instantly connected with. Dave and I were sitting in our living room when they played this guy a tape. While he improvised along, I thought, "wow, this is gonna be good." The accident happened before they ever got to jam with him again. I ran into him at the Mix weeks later (and it was pure coincidence I think I've been to the Mix only TWICE EVER). He was playing pool. I went up to him and told him of the accident and that they were gone. I didn't want them to seem like flakes who never called him back.
Over time, we saw Jared more and more when he'd play with 9th Burden, but still really didn't know him. All of Jesse and Eric's friends put together a somewhat of a support network so we tried to see 9th Burden when we could because of Jared and Alex. Dave and Jared connected on an individual level during 2002 when AK was dormant and he was looking to start another band. Certain things in our lives conceded and Frank and Dave joined forces again. So to make a long story short, chances are that Angerkill would not be without losing Jesse, who brought us Jared. Dave, Frank and I feel that Angerkill is the strongest it's ever been.. and we have musically surpassed anything we've ever done, on an individual and collective level. There's no way for anyone else to feel it right now but us.
I think we were both right and, combined, had the answer. You can't always MAKE things happen. Fate has to lend it's precarious hand to make something worthwhile.
We signed up for the show on March 4th to celebrate LIFE. We want to not only honor two amazing friends, but the legacy they left behind. These guys were very supportive of us on a creative level, and still give us the inspiration we need to keep reaching new heights. This is the first Saturday since the accident this is the strongest each of us has been creatively. The show is actually a competition for a shot to perform in front of a label. Just to make this known we welcome the feedback from whoever is sitting on a panel to give it to us, but aren't playing for anyone on March 4th but the stars above and the friends and family who have gaping holes in their hearts, and to strangers who wish to come together in the name of two beautiful lives who touched so many.
"We will forever miss you, Jess and Eric"Jen (and Dave, Jared & Frank too)
